the craft · 5 ways in
how to really listen
harder than telling. rarer, too. five ways to be present for someone else's story.
show up first
You can't listen well to something you haven't decided to be present for. Close the other tab. Stop drafting your reply in your head. The first act of listening is choosing the person over the noise.
listen for what was hard to say
The most important sentence is usually the one delivered fastest, smallest, or sandwiched between other things. Not because it's hidden — because it's tender. Notice it without lunging at it.
don’t fix. don’t relate. don’t redirect.
Three reflexes that feel like care and aren't. Each moves the spotlight off them. Hold the spotlight. Let them keep going.
follow the tangent
If they wander, go with them. The wander is often the story. StoryCorps teaches their volunteers this exact rule: “use your questions as a guide, not a script. if your partner goes off topic, go with it.” The detour is rarely a detour.
ask one more thing
When they finish, most people pause — or move on. The listener who asks one more question gets the actual story. Almost always.
good listening is rarer than good telling. start with one conversation.